"IN SEARCH OF LOVE" (by Faythe Butler)

I searched for love today my Lord,
I looked so far you know...
But I couldn't find it in people's clothing
Couldn't find it in their gold ~
Couldn't find it in these bodies
Or in these boxy little homes...
Couldn't find it in these things 
That men seem to find SO DEAR,
For these things shed no real love
And only last a few short years...


I couldn't find love in my health
Couldn't find it in disease~
I wonder Lord, where could REAL love ever be?
I couldn't find love in confusion,
Couldn't find it in the lusts, 
Couldn't find it in many hearts
~That only saw themselves in view~
When all they are is DUST...


So Lord ~ just where IS this 'thing' 
You deem as most important and is called 'love~
Just where can it be FOUND?
If I could only FIND it I'd be the wealthiest soul around!!
Can it really be found on this little planet we call earth?
Because I'm afraid no one has ever gained it through the simple act of birth!  

Lord, oh GOD I cry with tears 
streaming down my face...
I pray, oh God - LET me find your love
Oh help me seek your grace!!

But Lord GOD - oh God ... I've lost 
my way ~
I can only put up a fake front and smile every day...
Yes, love is lost and gone away ...
I see dreary frowns, it's dark, I'm depressed ~
So many hearts seem filled with loneliness. 
But Lord God, I DON'T WANT to give it up...
To dwell in the grave, with the remembrance of painted fingernails and curls around my face ~
... I want to die to the life of a cause ...

But ...
I see a life that saw defeat and hate,

A life that couldn't find answers to the meaning of this race,
A life that saw starvation for a better kind of life ~
I life that loved money and the sinful pleasures of the night.
A life that cursed my brothers,
A life that kills my soul - 
A life it seems I've WASTED till the day I'm labeled 'old'.
Yes Lord WHY --DO-- I live in this silly mixed-up place,
Where people PRETEND to know right where they're going

I've tried to please my 'mommy'
But I've given the devil his wish ~
I've lived to hurt my brothers and weep in bitter anguish ...
I've lived to see people die ... But LORD, can this life be of any WORTH?
Is this the life YOU give? Then why have so many only struggled with it since birth?
It's been a stupid routine battle and a total pack of lies -
Is there any more to life than this
If not I'd rather die...

Lord, I'd really rather die,

This life seems worthless don't you know -
But the pressures of society keep telling me to go ...
'Get a job!'
'Get some money!'
'Have a baby!'
'Buy a house!'
But is this ALL there is?
Is THIS what life's about???
Lord, I took a look around me and saw so many just striving to be "best"
But LORD, NONE of us have any real identity,
We just blend in with the rest!

Yes, I'd rather die in brokenness,
...dead flowers by my side...
Letting the dirt encompass my body 
and from all this nonsense to forever hide...
So let the spiders eat my body,
Let my relatives lust in my gold...
But wait a minute Lord - didn't you say there was a soul?

Can I believe this after the times 
I thought I had found love;
When along it was a lie?
I thought my brothers loved me 
and I thought my lover loved me ~ 
But wasn't it a lie ...
wasn't I fooled again 
and brought here weeping in hopes to die?!
They too have left me Lord, 
They've gone away,
...even though they said they'd care for me and stay...
Oh, I thought they'd be faithful,
But they hurt me anyway ...

Oh my LORD, is there really ANYTHING at ALL to life ~
Does such a hope EXIST??
Can anything TRULY good and lasting
Be placed upon this list??

But Lord, I heard you once say,
Through your holy verse...
That our whole LIVES could be changed,
We could have a new and different kind of birth!!

If we could only live our WHOLE LIVES for you
~lives you would lovingly control ~
We could find real 
During the course of growing old!!

You DO have an offer and a plan,
So is that why you sent your perfect Son to so humbly die ...
To be the perfect Lamb sacrificed
For our rotten, selfish souls,
To bring to paradise?!

Oh Lord, right NOW I want to CHANGE my course,
I PLEAD, please take me off hell's road!!
For ONLY when I walk to follow YOU
can my sinful selfish ways be turned

to white as snow!!

And Lord, all the things I used to 'love' ~

... all the lusts and idols that led me astray ...
I now know were never meant to stay 
But to teach that life's in VAIN - 
If it's not lived solely to JESUS the SAVIOR
who ALONE will NEVER 

I beg you PLEASE, let me shed my selfish life of pride,
and let your perfection come and take its place.
For if my life shines faithful to the Father,
My greatest reward will be one day to see your face!!

Oh Lord, since you offer ALL this so lovingly to me ...
How I PRAY that your faithful following child,
I shall FOREVER be!!

And all those who ever come to me
PLEASE help me through YOUR caring eyes see ...
For I know that WITHOUT YOU - 
There is NO GOOD IN ME!!!

One last thing I'd like to say Lord ...

THANK YOU!! I want never to complain again!!
For your great mercy has led me off of misery's path
and filled me with the strength to WIN!!!

Happy to Give ...

When we surrender to Jesus Christ we will realize that we were chosen to walk this lonely, lonely wilderness path and will "play the fool" over and over throughout our lives as this song shares. We probaby won't have a great track record at winning souls to the Lord in the same way other saints didn't such as Noah, Moses, Elijah, Jeremiah etc. Yet despite our heartache and loss in trying to reach the lost with the hope of Jesus Christ, we will not stop in this undying quest but will continue to fight the good fight, and will be forever "Happy to Give". This is where we belong - striving to lead others to this most glorious Love of all loves.

Stay in the Lord Jesus' perfect love!!

Faythe Butler